A Tribute to the Fife

When dawn breaks in New Peebleshire, before the cock crows or the bootblack soots his cheeks, one will inevitably hear the sweet whisper of fife music ringing through the cobblestone.

The melody strengthens as the local fifer's guild parades up the street, greeting the new day with the joyous sounds of the flute's illegitimate cousin. Children burst forth from their cottages when the fife wielders draw near, if perchance to join in the magical procession that seems to pass all too quickly.

"Fear not little ones," the Head Fife assures, "we shant refuse you such delights when the morrow morn commeth." So the children return to their sorghum-based breakfast cereals while the fifer's songs dimmeth. "Where do they go?" the children wonder, and their parents point them eastward. "To Gillowsbry Forest, of course!" they'll say, "to join with the birds in song."

A rightful tribute to the fife, which brings to all both joy and life, which toots its song for all to hear, and ushers in our daily cheer.

New Peebleshire's Official Snackfood: Poppycock

Sweet sweet Poppycock. Warning: Eating poppycock whilst wearing fingerless gloves can cause quite the sticky, or should I say satisfying, predicament.

Poppycock is the one type of morsel you're sure to see at the top of the liquorsmith's late-night menu or carelessly lodged in the beard of an unsuspecting magistrate. Composed of sweetened popping corn fused with puffed millet, nothing satisfies the palate after a long day at the grindstone quite like poppycock.

On a side note, New Peebleshire's dental care boycott has the local milletsmith's guild up in arms. Poppycock sales are down 4% this quarter as commoners are reportedly avoiding sugar in an attempt to preserve what's left of their smiles. In related news, sales of beef-flavored boot leather are up 9%.

Modern Dentistry Lacking in New Peebleshire

A lechermaiden receives less-than-adequate dental care.

Residents of New Peebleshire are becoming increasingly aware that their village's dental practices have fallen a bit behind the times. It all began when Shumpert McGildersneed shared the story of his rich Uncle Reginald from London. Apparently, London's dentists are able to remove cavities with a drill not operated by hand crank. Such news came as a great surprise to the commoners of the village, who naturally associate dentistry with blinding pain.

When local dentist Billiam McDeert was questioned about his own practices, he became quite defensive. "Dentistry without extreme pain is like a schoolboy without ribbon candy! If these well-to-do dentists in the city are removing pain from their procedures, then what's next...no longer using the white cloth that we tie around a person's head to alleviate the common toothache?!" (see file photo below).

While it is unlikely that such dramatic advancements in dentistry will be realized any time soon, the residents of New Peebleshire have instituted a strike against the likes of McDeert. Until changes are made, no resident will brush his teeth nor refrain from eating figged candies.

The common "cure" for a toothache.